These Words Were Never Easier
by whan that aprill
Summary: After Charlie's death, Bella realises how much it will hurt to give up the people in her life. She begins to rethink her decisions, and asks Edward for more time to find herself... alone.


_Hi! This is my first story on my new name, and I hope it's received well.  
_**Disclaimer: I don't claim it. D  
****And now: without any further rambling: Words You'll Never Hear Me Say**

"Bella, You… can't leave me."

"I need to, Edward. I need to know that I'm not going to regret the decision.

"Are you... do... is it the decision to spend eternity with me you think you'll regret?"

It stung to hear the words spoken aloud. Even though I had been pushing her to do this since we met, it didn't make it any easier to hear that she was going to leave me. I never realised that she would take my words to heart.

"No! Edward, don't think that. I still love you. I will always love you. I'm not deciding whether or not I'm going to stay with you, I just need to know that by choosing forever, I'm not choosing a forever of thinking of the things I've lost. I will always be yours. I just need to find myself."

With that, she walked forward and put her arms around me. For an indescribable length of time, it could have been seconds; it could have been hours, I just held her. All too soon, she was leaning up to press her lips against mine. In that second, I realised that the roles had switched. I found myself leaning in, in a desperate attempt to deepen the kiss I found myself pushing her toward the wall, I would convince her to stay, I would give her what she wanted, anything she wanted. Before I had time to make any solid plan to get her to stay, she was pushing me away. Even I couldn't mistake the irony in her voice when she looked at me and said "My self-control is not infallible, Edward."

I gave her a half-smile, more than I thought I was capable of, and said "I'll wait here."

She smiled, and behind it I could tell that this was killing her. I knew that she would be back. And knowing that, I was sure that I could survive the months it may take for her to find herself.

"I love you, Edward." She said, her eyes telling me everything she would never put into words.

She gave me the time to say "I know you do, and I love you too, Bella." before she walked out. Watching her leave may have been the hardest thing I've ever had to endure, that I didn't specifically bring on myself.

I whispered "I'll wait forever." to her as she pulled down the long driveway, praying to God she understood.

Praying to God nothing would happen to her while she was gone.

**Switch POV**

I knew Bella was having a hard time dealing with Charlie's death. It never dawned on me how hard it would be for her and Billy until after the fact. They grieved in the same ways. First they cried… for days. I don't how long it was before Bella left her house.

When they finally quit crying they threw themselves into the constant company of others... afraid to be alone. For Billy it was the other tribal elders.

For Bella, it was _them. _For months she wouldn't leave them. Not even for a day in La Push. I suppose this is what it was going to be like... _after._

Although it took a while, Billy finally seemed to be getting over it, and we thought that it would naturally happen that way for her too. It didn't.

And though you'll never hear me say this aloud: I felt an unthinkable amount of sympathy for _him _when he couldn't fix it for her. He did everything within his power to make her feel better, to make her feel like herself. And he could make her forget about it, at least for a little while, but he knew that whenever she wasn't with him… she was doubled over. Just trying to remember to breathe.

_Yeah… I felt bad for him. I'd been in his position before._

**End Chapter**

Okay, so, I realise that that was very short, I really just wanted to give you a taste for the story right off the bat. The rating is for later chapters, so I can guarantee that it will get more interesting. Remember: I do love reviews, but as long as I know that at least ONE person is interested, then I'll keep writing. I do, however, ask that if you do enjoy this, spread the word. When I left my old name, I didn't tell people the name of the new one I was getting, so I'm starting over as a new writer... and I want readers. So... spread the woooooord3


End file.
